Whose Script is this Anyway?

Greetings!

Another lovely client prompts this posting on a cold and snowy December morning. I am so grateful for a warm home; for family and friends in this dimension and in Spirit whose warmth is like a glowing fireplace. And how grateful I am for the people who expand the Consciousness by their curiosity and willingness to take what is often the more difficult path.

Our traditional path is one more often focused on the external journey. We are prone to reacting to the behaviors and conditions of people around us. We do not intend to judge, but we are trained to see in others what might be changed and react as if we know what might work better for them, all in the name of caring for them and wishing them the best of life. I cannot count all the ways this behavior has occupied my thoughts and controlled my life. Whew!

The means to achieving a life of balance, of peace, is to instead focus on the interior journey. As we are able to shift attention, redirecting our attention from reaction to breath, we can do this!

The centerpiece of my external journey is my life with Dick McCoy. Sixteen years of judging, reacting, "fixing," and wishing it were all different still causes me to shudder. It is true that this man was not an easy assignment; not for me, not for him. In the name of "helping him," I tried a lot of things. And at the same time did try to take care of myself. But he was the reason, I was sure, that I was so unhappy. He was the source of pain in our family. His behaviors surely stood out as evidence. It is true that we suffered from his anger. It is true that the tension in our home was palpable. And it is true that my reaction to him left no room for change.

We were frozen in a dynamic that controlled us and left little room for joy.

I filed for divorce in 1978. Lo and behold, divorced, single, I was still the same unhappy person. I had not changed. I had only changed the circumstances. But from that place we each began a journey toward knowing ourselves better. Without him, I had nothing to push against. And once I replaced the resistance with internal reflection, I had to face myself. This came slowly, but it did come. It's quite a challenge to face the fact that our part in the script is equal to the part of one whose behaviors are more obvious.

Most of us can look at our lives and ask who out there in our world plays this role for us. They give us something to push against - or to embrace - with the belief that if we just stick long enough, try hard enough, they will change. Perhaps the latter is the more engaging and dangerous, because we live in the illusion of an altruistic pursuit.

Every one of us is fulfilling a self-directed assignment. And every one of the people in our lives is cooperating in providing us what we need to achieve it. Those like my former husband - now deceased - provide the most obvious roles to trigger what we are here to learn. My "home" work was powerful. He couldn't have played his role more effectively for what I had assigned myself to learn. I did not trust myself, so how in the world could I expect that he would provide me a partner I could trust?

Some people, friends, siblings, parents, co-workers, neighbors, politicians, priests and pilgrims may present opportunities for us to know ourselves better with roles not so obvious. Their behaviors may be more subtle. The script they are reading may be very loving or filled with authority, yet triggering us in certain behaviors that are unique to them. But they are persistent. And they are cooperating with us at levels that may surprise us. They must hold their place in our script until we wake one day and say, "Wow, this is my script. What I have written no longer serves me best?

It is not about them; this is all from me and about me?! And I can rewrite it!"

We can rewrite the script by shifting our attention from that other person or situation with BREATH. One breath, or 10 when necessary, shifts attention from the external stimulation to the Sacred within. Oh, their script will be compelling. We may struggle. After all, their behavior has engaged us; if they will just read their lines differently all will be solved and they will be surely be happier. (And, oh by the way, I will feel better.)

The Sacred within is the place where, when we breathe long enough, our Spirit reveals to us the means to live in a new reference point. It informs us, with an epiphany, or over time, what we can do to live the more peaceful life. It reveals the theme, the essence of the assignment, as we are able to relax and allow it. In those moments of clarity we reclaim ourselves. And we know love.

We are such curious and extraordinary beings! How creative we are. How persistent in our scripts. We pursue our assignments, no matter how challenging. Because there is not judgment from those in Spirit who love us, they are not impatient with us. They support us in our struggles and in our victories. We are learning ourselves as best we can and we are expanding Consciousness with every adventure in the human condition. We are very brave. And we are loved.

Until the next page in this script,

I am Phyllis, still Becoming