Chapter II of Dec. 30 Post

Good Morning!

This last day of 2010 I woke at 1:30 writing in my head another chapter of yesterday's posting, so here I am at 2:00 a.m. and away we go!

This past year, we have been as travelers of old, circling a new town, camping some and moving around it, curious and contemplating what it would/will be like to enter the gates of that unknown constabulary to make it our own.

It's exciting sometimes to wonder what is there and how we will fit in. And often it has felt odd, as if we will not know ourselves there when finally we go, go in, go to meet whatever will be ours. And that is not comfortable. We have felt a bit off-balance; something so new with so much to offer and yet...

This blog has helped me feel more tethered, more centered. I watched Oprah's interview with J.K. Rawlings yesterday. It was a great interview, and they are alike in many astonishing ways. Rawlings said something I know well. She said, "Often I didn't know it until I wrote it." Her books are truly a trip she took inside herself to that unknown place where she was Becoming.

Writers, I believe, more often than not, learn themselves by writing.

I learn myself by writing what appears to be a message to all of you, and with each idea that appears on my computer screen Consciousness expands; I am more than I was before. I am closer into that as yet undisclosed district that holds so much invention.

Wavering though we may seem to be out on the fringes of that new territory, we can feel not bold, not determined. But we are brave. We have traveled this far to observe what Becomes the place we gather. And while camping and sleeping out on the fringe, we dream ourselves inside this new, intriguing municipality, exploring in sleep what intimidates in our waking hours. We are brave.

The journey takes not so much courage as we might imagine, standing and observing and wondering if we can, indeed, enter this exciting, intimidating realm. We are explorers, after all, and with each foray, whether in sleep or day-trip, we touch it, taste it, then scurry back to the three-dimensional safety of the Known, on the fringe, to rest a bit.

We need not force ourselves out of our comfort zone. Those dreams and day-trips take courage, too, and prove so much. We are bold, we are brave. Already the journey has proven more than we could have imagined. With each foray we trust ourselves more.

The journey has never been about trusting the Unknown, out there.

It's always been about trusting ourselves.

This new gathering place will not abandon us. It will still be there tomorrow. Even as we camp on the fringes, we are absorbing the energy of it, adapting as we observe. It takes courage to stand and learn, to know ourselves better.

Taking a deep breath,

I am Phyllis, still Becoming