Sacrifice and Indulgence

Greetings!

Simplicity and indulgence seem to be my themes this morning. Contemplating Christmas this year means catalogues and shopping ahead. The hustle and bustle of shopping the week before the big day used to give me a holiday feeling. No more. Selections from the ease of my sofa appeal to me this year, and I suspect for all those years to come.

Catalogues are finding me this year as never before. I am delighted that the Vermont Country Store offers candies from my childhood. Crystal Creams were always my favorite. In the catalogue they are called French Creams; colorful creamy candies coated with crystallized sugar. And I'll order Mom's favorite, Cream Filberts. The prices are outrageous, but since they are the only candies I'll buy for Christmas - and they evoke such strong childhood memories - they are worth it.

We all have memories and hungers it may not be possible to satisfy so simply as this. We may, in fact, accumulate more hungers and their guilty associations than we resolve. We are culturally influenced to deny those hungers as if they are insignificant, or worse, selfish indulgences.

Denying our hungers and pressing ourselves for service to the point of sacrifice leave us with deep hungers. These yearnings are certainly deeper than any candy or other indulgence can satisfy. Compensating behaviors can become addictions, and as I was reminded in a session with a recovering alcoholic, shame very often follows.

When caught up in all the confusing feelings of addiction, it's not surprising that we fall into self-deprecation and shame. My sister once said, "The shame feels wrong." She is so right.

Judgement further represses the roots of the addictive behavior, prolonging the agony.

Guilt and shame will not bring us to the outcome we prefer.

Wisdom says that our behaviors are not to be judged. Our tendency is to judge ourselves or others, but those in Spirit who love us see these behaviors as the way we learn ourselves. Period. And learning ourselves is the reason we are walking around here in this human suit.

This is not intended to encourage our addictive behaviors, but to observe them as objectively as possible. How does this feel? What does it feel like afterward? What do I get out of this, or what price to I pay for this indulgence? Breathing is the key to accessing those feelings and to achieving the objectivity we need to move further away from the behavior.

So I will indulge myself in the healthiest ways I can and embrace the many ways to bring ease into my life. We deserve the ease. We've lived the cycle of self-sacrifice and we've learned as much about that condition as we need to. We are people of service and that will not cease. We now learn to live in service without sacrifice. The residual effects of sacrifice are still with us, and now we explore the means to climb out of that trench and into the light of Third Earth.

Breathing with you,

I am Phyllis, still Becoming