Today has been a day of laundry and baking. A good day, and a day for appreciation, of my eyes, of my family and friends, of the place I live, of the trees outside my window, of the sky and the moon so bright in the early morning hours, of insights. A good day.
The changes in this life over the past two months are too many to enumerate, and no matter how profound this integration of a new aspect of Self, I'm still in this human suit, with bread to bake and clothes to wash and a 73-year-old body to wash and lotion - and to take to my chiropractor tomorrow.
As a teen I wrote a short poem: "I'm not the me that you all see; it's the me I feel that's really me." For a teen, that felt like the truth, and now I know that both - what others see and how I feel - are two important parts that exist in the duality of human.
I live alone and I'm never lonely. It sure helps to get to be this age and to enjoy time alone with self - as if I were ever really alone.
All those who walk with me are so close and so available to help with any question, no matter how mundane. As Wisdom once said: "Whatever is important to you, whether a hang nail or world peace; if it's important to you, it's important to us."
It matters a lot how we feel about ourselves. I wouldn't change being 73, having been married, having children, getting my bachelor's degree, loving, living and becoming the person I am in this human suit, however imperfect it often feels.
Our systems listen to what we say and think about ourselves and follow our lead. They must. We are each in charge of our own system. So whether I am happy with myself every moment is not as important as how I address myself. This human suit follows what I tell it. If I am to be comfortable with this person that I am, then I realize that I have to become friendly with some of my messages to self that come from early programming.
A part of this current integration is a sharper realization of those old messages, promising myself to speak to me with more love and acceptance; to stop in mid-thought and be a better friend to myself in the references and descriptors I choose. And not to resist the messages. To do so increases the pressure of the message. What we resist persists - and grows stronger. The System is simply providing a message/symptom to alert us to what needs attention.
I am saying, "YES!" more often, supporting myself in the affirmative. To do otherwise is egocentric.
Grateful for this day,
I AM still Phyllis
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