Hello again, Everyone!
Recent visits by Lao Tzu have promoted my discovery process exponentially, especially around human symptoms, also called drama. I am working this out for myself as I report to you who may also be engaged in becoming as authentic/transparent as possible.
Autoimmune disease came up in a session with a client recently, then again, grabbing my attention. I looked up the subject on the internet and found I have one and had another years ago. So, as I was talking out loud in the shower today about autoimmune diseases, Lao Tzu said, "There has to be a payoff, or you wouldn't do it." 'Do it,' meaning create it in the first place. This surely sent me off into breathing and exploring any and all human symptoms. A parade of symptoms marched through my brain: addictions, allergies, broken bones, cancers, viruses..... But I was aware also that symptoms could be emotional and mental; whatever human condition is absent of balance.
Any symptoms, he says, are created because there is some "payoff" or benefit, no matter how convoluted that may seem. We are a package of conundrums, aren't we? We have love/hate relationships with lots of things in our lives. We live in duality, or at least we have done. So what is the benefit when I am so determined, consciously, to resolve my symptoms?
There are some obvious answers:
Attention: so many of us are starved from many lifetimes for the comfort, the loving attention, of nurturing response. I'm reminded of the "bandaid phase" of each of my grandchildren. And how many times I, as a child, fell going up the rough concrete steps of our home, skinning my knees and getting a reputation for always having scabby knees. Not just clumsiness. Attention.
Identifying with others: in our drama/pain we interact with others who either share our pain or sympathetically react and reassure us that we have value to others.
Diverting attention: in focusing on our symptoms, we divert attention away from even more uncomfortable aspects of selves we feel unprepared to address. This could also be called:
Karmic Distraction: We have so many layers to explore while we are here, and we can only do so much at any given time, so our symptoms/drama can give us a focus with which we deal on the way to even more significant discoveries on the journey.
Expanding Consciousness: Our altruistic purpose here is to "expand the Mind of God." Our disease, our pain, our drama lead us on paths of discovery through which we learn "human" most effectively because we are stretched farther than we often believe is possible. How many people have you heard report that their lives were changed by their cancer? The effect of all human experience reverberates throughout Consciousness.
As I was talking with my sister about this today, the inevitable question came up: What happens when/if we release all symptoms? What is the outcome of surrendering all imbalance?
Why, I suppose we are out of here. We ascend, disappear, become truly transparent. Symptoms seem to be the way we hold on to our human form. Our beliefs, hidden or obvious, manifest as symptoms, some comfortable, some obviously not. And once they are transformed, once we achieve perfect balance, we become the Master. The Master may choose to continue the journey to offer the example, as have others before us. The Master may simply have no further need to continue this journey, serving this 3-D realm from a dimension free of drama.
Phyl-EL
P.S. After living with this post for a day, I feel like I left out a couple of things.
First, considering the question of our beliefs producing symptoms, it is not my intention to say we are "to blame" for creating our drama. Experience simply is. It informs us. Holding ourselves hostage for not having created differently is punishment never intended in this perfection we call human. Yes, we are in a perfect state of being, all inclusive, no exceptions.
Second, I consider myself an explorer, a detective. I'm always in a state of considering what it all means and where I can "solve" a mystery (as if I could!). But the challenge intrigues me, as I know it does many of you. On this topic of symptoms, then, I am excited by the mystery of it and the possibilities for resolution.
Lao Tzu knows that my ideal is to live in the principles of the Tau. And it seems to me that I am even closer to living that ideal as I open more consciously to this mystery.
Phyl-EL
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Reflections on God
Good Morning!
Last Sunday in Duluth for the Circle Service, which I love, I suggested that our conversation focus on: how do I remember myself as God; how have I forgotten that I am God; what does being God feel like; what does it mean to be God; how do I know God, etc.
As I drove home after the service I realized that every person who spoke, and many did, reflected on how they have forgotten their God qualities. They focused on how ego had controlled their behaviors. Now I realize that, while I thought at least some of them would be excited to relate their creative adventures, I had set them up for the negative.
I opened by saying that we come in this human suit, wrapped in ego and seeking to recall the original God-suit through our human adventures. Their thoughts went to the egocentric behaviors that challenge them; that challenge all of us. Nothing wrong with reflecting on how we are challenged and changing, but as effective as the service was, our intuitive/psychic/metaphysical adventures were not explored as I expected they might.
I love that some who spoke showed the personal courage to reveal a very vulnerable aspect of themselves. Exposure to a group with whom we interact at so many levels is a powerful act of faith; an act that changes both the speaker and the observers.
The congregation designed the service, and that's what a Circle Service is all about. Just because I thought they would jump at the chance to relate their multi-dimensional adventures, once I turned it over and folks stepped forward to hold the talking stick, they shaped the service to meet their own needs. And so it is.
Now, here on the other side of the Venus transit, the tight corkscrew energetic I saw on Monday has relaxed. All is swirling, so we may not yet feel the focus we want, but the still-turning kaleidoscope will slow soon, bringing us into the manifestation of all this change.
Breathing - a lot - helps, of course; breathing to release the need to know along with the anxiety of the not knowing. In the not-yet-knowing, we are reflecting on unfinished business and releasing reactions to it. We are building energy toward more acceptance of self, standing on stable God-platforms previously unknown to us. We are trusting "who we are, where we are, when we are," more certainly than ever before.
Phyl-EL
Last Sunday in Duluth for the Circle Service, which I love, I suggested that our conversation focus on: how do I remember myself as God; how have I forgotten that I am God; what does being God feel like; what does it mean to be God; how do I know God, etc.
As I drove home after the service I realized that every person who spoke, and many did, reflected on how they have forgotten their God qualities. They focused on how ego had controlled their behaviors. Now I realize that, while I thought at least some of them would be excited to relate their creative adventures, I had set them up for the negative.
I opened by saying that we come in this human suit, wrapped in ego and seeking to recall the original God-suit through our human adventures. Their thoughts went to the egocentric behaviors that challenge them; that challenge all of us. Nothing wrong with reflecting on how we are challenged and changing, but as effective as the service was, our intuitive/psychic/metaphysical adventures were not explored as I expected they might.
I love that some who spoke showed the personal courage to reveal a very vulnerable aspect of themselves. Exposure to a group with whom we interact at so many levels is a powerful act of faith; an act that changes both the speaker and the observers.
The congregation designed the service, and that's what a Circle Service is all about. Just because I thought they would jump at the chance to relate their multi-dimensional adventures, once I turned it over and folks stepped forward to hold the talking stick, they shaped the service to meet their own needs. And so it is.
Now, here on the other side of the Venus transit, the tight corkscrew energetic I saw on Monday has relaxed. All is swirling, so we may not yet feel the focus we want, but the still-turning kaleidoscope will slow soon, bringing us into the manifestation of all this change.
Breathing - a lot - helps, of course; breathing to release the need to know along with the anxiety of the not knowing. In the not-yet-knowing, we are reflecting on unfinished business and releasing reactions to it. We are building energy toward more acceptance of self, standing on stable God-platforms previously unknown to us. We are trusting "who we are, where we are, when we are," more certainly than ever before.
Phyl-EL
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
First Day
Greetings on this day of Venus transit!
On such a day of change, of what looks to me like a corkscrew (kundelini) energy, I feel inspired to print a piece written three years ago. As we approached the summer solstice of 2009, A. Michael said we were entering a three-year period during which we would "try on for size" the energy of the Third (New) Earth that dawned with that solstice.
We approach now the conclusion of that leap of faith period in which we have explored ourselves in formlessness; a heady time and a frightening time for many. Wisdom guided me to write this:
Be still and know that you are divine;
That change without reflects change within
And we are equal to it.
Know this time is formless,
Know that we are re-forming what is human.
Imagine that all before has been as the child
Preparing for kindergarten.
Well-meaning adults have encouraged you,
With visions of the
playground, the pretend corner, lunch with friends,
nap time, learning to read and count.
And so the new life takes shape in your mind.
First Day comes. You are excited.
Your Teacher opens the door.
And there is no floor.
No toys? No shapes, no colors, no numbers or letters
To guide you on First Day.
And yet,
With courage dredged from some mystical space
You step inside and BEGIN.
As we enjoy this awesome day of transit, in the lingering energy of yesterday's full moon, and as we approach the Jupiter event and solstice, I consider how prepared we are; how we have practiced this new energy and what courage it takes for us each to begin and to persist and to Become.
Breath is the key to relieving the inevitable tension that comes with such awesome exploration and initiation. So I breathe with all of you and offer gratitude for "that which we cannot yet see."
It is real. That dream. That New Earth. Breathe an try it on for size. It is more than we can imagine.
Phyl-EL
On such a day of change, of what looks to me like a corkscrew (kundelini) energy, I feel inspired to print a piece written three years ago. As we approached the summer solstice of 2009, A. Michael said we were entering a three-year period during which we would "try on for size" the energy of the Third (New) Earth that dawned with that solstice.
We approach now the conclusion of that leap of faith period in which we have explored ourselves in formlessness; a heady time and a frightening time for many. Wisdom guided me to write this:
Be still and know that you are divine;
That change without reflects change within
And we are equal to it.
Know this time is formless,
Know that we are re-forming what is human.
Imagine that all before has been as the child
Preparing for kindergarten.
Well-meaning adults have encouraged you,
With visions of the
playground, the pretend corner, lunch with friends,
nap time, learning to read and count.
And so the new life takes shape in your mind.
First Day comes. You are excited.
Your Teacher opens the door.
And there is no floor.
No toys? No shapes, no colors, no numbers or letters
To guide you on First Day.
And yet,
With courage dredged from some mystical space
You step inside and BEGIN.
As we enjoy this awesome day of transit, in the lingering energy of yesterday's full moon, and as we approach the Jupiter event and solstice, I consider how prepared we are; how we have practiced this new energy and what courage it takes for us each to begin and to persist and to Become.
Breath is the key to relieving the inevitable tension that comes with such awesome exploration and initiation. So I breathe with all of you and offer gratitude for "that which we cannot yet see."
It is real. That dream. That New Earth. Breathe an try it on for size. It is more than we can imagine.
Phyl-EL
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Play it again, Sam
Greetings!
Just when you think your plan is in place, sailing along and being grateful, a message flies in that grabs your attention and sends you on to a new discovery - or three.
I've said this many times in other words, but Joyce Meyer said it best last week on her television broadcast when she said, "Don't worship your plan."
I loved it, shared it with others, then found myself smack in the middle of my own plan, not once but three times, wondering why I was disappointed, conflicted, sad or angry when things did not work out as I expected these past few days. "Don't worship your plan." Ooooh that echo again and again.
I've created this ideal life outline. Not a plan so structured that it limits me, but a plan nonetheless. I think I am on the right track to visualize what I choose to create, but the unsettling nature of these incidents reminds me once again that the only way to live well and with peace is to breathe and move from one thing to the next, following wise counsel to "pay attention to where my attention is."
Period.
Now, when we share our lives with others we are programmed to make plans. So, as we "planned" to go to the 99th birthday party of a cousin today, I arranged with my mother, aunt and cousin to pick them up and drive into Wisconsin. As I drove over I had flashes of my uncle picking them up. Odd, I thought, and dismissed it. After waiting a while, finally speaking with my aunt on her cell phone, I....well, I won't go into all the bizarre details. Suffice to say that my uncle did pick them up about a half hour before I got there.
I proceeded to pick up Anita and off we went, the two of us, to Osceola (phone in hand since my aunt was to be my navigator).
It was a great party. My temporary headache disappeared with the first laughter, shared with the man of the hour. I brought everyone home.
I could say that planning with folks of advanced age is the wrinkle in a plan, but my other "plans" that dissolved involved folks my age or much younger. So there you go.
To stay in the moment, breathing, is the key, of course. Plans come and they go. If I am at peace with myself, no shift in activity is of any consequence. I wonder if I will live long enough to disappear all the snags life presents me; to delve into and dis-create all the karmic puzzles in my Plan. Best not to plan it.
Breathing,
I am Phyl-EL
Just when you think your plan is in place, sailing along and being grateful, a message flies in that grabs your attention and sends you on to a new discovery - or three.
I've said this many times in other words, but Joyce Meyer said it best last week on her television broadcast when she said, "Don't worship your plan."
I loved it, shared it with others, then found myself smack in the middle of my own plan, not once but three times, wondering why I was disappointed, conflicted, sad or angry when things did not work out as I expected these past few days. "Don't worship your plan." Ooooh that echo again and again.
I've created this ideal life outline. Not a plan so structured that it limits me, but a plan nonetheless. I think I am on the right track to visualize what I choose to create, but the unsettling nature of these incidents reminds me once again that the only way to live well and with peace is to breathe and move from one thing to the next, following wise counsel to "pay attention to where my attention is."
Period.
Now, when we share our lives with others we are programmed to make plans. So, as we "planned" to go to the 99th birthday party of a cousin today, I arranged with my mother, aunt and cousin to pick them up and drive into Wisconsin. As I drove over I had flashes of my uncle picking them up. Odd, I thought, and dismissed it. After waiting a while, finally speaking with my aunt on her cell phone, I....well, I won't go into all the bizarre details. Suffice to say that my uncle did pick them up about a half hour before I got there.
I proceeded to pick up Anita and off we went, the two of us, to Osceola (phone in hand since my aunt was to be my navigator).
It was a great party. My temporary headache disappeared with the first laughter, shared with the man of the hour. I brought everyone home.
I could say that planning with folks of advanced age is the wrinkle in a plan, but my other "plans" that dissolved involved folks my age or much younger. So there you go.
To stay in the moment, breathing, is the key, of course. Plans come and they go. If I am at peace with myself, no shift in activity is of any consequence. I wonder if I will live long enough to disappear all the snags life presents me; to delve into and dis-create all the karmic puzzles in my Plan. Best not to plan it.
Breathing,
I am Phyl-EL
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Gritty Adjustments
Good Thursday Morning!
With the rain falling and an impression that it is washing away all that is of no importance, I take a deep breath, wash away the cloud of yesterday and focus my attention on all the love that outshines any shadow.
An old wise counsel comes to me these days: "Pay attention to where your attention is." Not an easy piece of advice to follow when so much seems to crowd into our space, but so important.
Imagine: You're walking down a busy street, having to stop again and again to adjust your poorly-fitted underwear. Ha!, but the discomfort of these times is at least that irritating. We were not raised, trained and conditioned to expect this much change. We stop again and again, crying out, "Not again! More change? How much more can we be expected to do?!"
The new or changing - job, house, baby, relationship, health, school, move to a new state; none of this is the point of this pivotal time on the planet and in our personal growth. All of it is the mechanism by which we are tasked to learn ourselves.
We all have a right, and a need, to honor our vulnerabilities. We are human, we do have emotions, and of course all the structures and conditions of our lives have significance.
And let's also reconsider that all of those changes are created by us, however unconsciously, to set the stage for the primary goal: to learn to trust ourselves, exactly as we are, where we are, when we are. In this moment, with every breath we take, to know we, not any external force or condition, have created exactly what we face and we don't want to miss the significance.
This timeline on planet Earth is designed to provide the opportunities, to force ourselves, to learn these critical skills. All the physical changes on the planet force us to achieve this self-sufficiency. We need these skills in place. Here and now, or as soon as humanly possible :)
We have so much help. Let's take a deep breath and verbalize our willingness to accept that help. We're born with a team of guides and angels whose only purpose is to support us at times like these.
We're born of a Creator whose constancy is absolute.
Breath opens the door, breath sustains the channel between us and the help that is always available. We are not alone. Whatever changes we face, our support System is in place. We were never intended to walk this astonishing time of change alone. Trusting ourselves also means employing the assistance that never fails.
Breathing with you,
Phyl-El
With the rain falling and an impression that it is washing away all that is of no importance, I take a deep breath, wash away the cloud of yesterday and focus my attention on all the love that outshines any shadow.
An old wise counsel comes to me these days: "Pay attention to where your attention is." Not an easy piece of advice to follow when so much seems to crowd into our space, but so important.
Imagine: You're walking down a busy street, having to stop again and again to adjust your poorly-fitted underwear. Ha!, but the discomfort of these times is at least that irritating. We were not raised, trained and conditioned to expect this much change. We stop again and again, crying out, "Not again! More change? How much more can we be expected to do?!"
The new or changing - job, house, baby, relationship, health, school, move to a new state; none of this is the point of this pivotal time on the planet and in our personal growth. All of it is the mechanism by which we are tasked to learn ourselves.
We all have a right, and a need, to honor our vulnerabilities. We are human, we do have emotions, and of course all the structures and conditions of our lives have significance.
And let's also reconsider that all of those changes are created by us, however unconsciously, to set the stage for the primary goal: to learn to trust ourselves, exactly as we are, where we are, when we are. In this moment, with every breath we take, to know we, not any external force or condition, have created exactly what we face and we don't want to miss the significance.
This timeline on planet Earth is designed to provide the opportunities, to force ourselves, to learn these critical skills. All the physical changes on the planet force us to achieve this self-sufficiency. We need these skills in place. Here and now, or as soon as humanly possible :)
We have so much help. Let's take a deep breath and verbalize our willingness to accept that help. We're born with a team of guides and angels whose only purpose is to support us at times like these.
We're born of a Creator whose constancy is absolute.
Breath opens the door, breath sustains the channel between us and the help that is always available. We are not alone. Whatever changes we face, our support System is in place. We were never intended to walk this astonishing time of change alone. Trusting ourselves also means employing the assistance that never fails.
Breathing with you,
Phyl-El
Friday, April 20, 2012
New Moon Reflections
Hello again!
With joy in this amazing, sunny day, I'm in a New Moon reflection and hopeful that while in this strongly pulling energy I can relate what's in my heart.
These days I am blessed to be connected, through a dear friend, with a man whose family has created a Caring Bridge site to support him during a journey through cancer. As I posted to the site this morning, I could feel the network created by a huge number of people supporting Mike; that it exceeds the traditional limitations of knowing one another to support such a worthy man.
The network looked like a huge hammock, lifting him up and cradling him in love.
Many years ago, System said that one of Earth's most essential objectives is to erase "borders, boundaries and barriers." That we would do this through many challenges, one of the first of which was the Aids epidemic. We were, at that time, beginning to understand that the disease was not limited to one segment of humanity. No, it was and is a disease that knows no boundaries. System also said that the Gay community had volunteered - at a soul level, of course- to carry this stigma until such time as we realized the truth of it.
Since then we have seen people reaching out to one another, increasingly absent of the bigotry. We have also seen our capacity to reach out to support people all over the planet needing help following chaotic events.
We are, by such acts of love, disappearing "other-ness." There are no others. There is only us, you and me unified in this human now.
Breathing with you,
I am Phyl-El
With joy in this amazing, sunny day, I'm in a New Moon reflection and hopeful that while in this strongly pulling energy I can relate what's in my heart.
These days I am blessed to be connected, through a dear friend, with a man whose family has created a Caring Bridge site to support him during a journey through cancer. As I posted to the site this morning, I could feel the network created by a huge number of people supporting Mike; that it exceeds the traditional limitations of knowing one another to support such a worthy man.
The network looked like a huge hammock, lifting him up and cradling him in love.
Many years ago, System said that one of Earth's most essential objectives is to erase "borders, boundaries and barriers." That we would do this through many challenges, one of the first of which was the Aids epidemic. We were, at that time, beginning to understand that the disease was not limited to one segment of humanity. No, it was and is a disease that knows no boundaries. System also said that the Gay community had volunteered - at a soul level, of course- to carry this stigma until such time as we realized the truth of it.
Since then we have seen people reaching out to one another, increasingly absent of the bigotry. We have also seen our capacity to reach out to support people all over the planet needing help following chaotic events.
We are, by such acts of love, disappearing "other-ness." There are no others. There is only us, you and me unified in this human now.
Breathing with you,
I am Phyl-El
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Live Amazed!
Good Wednesday Morning!
Borrowing from Joyce Meyer this morning, I am reminded to "Live Amazed!" There are so many things in this world that I do not have to do today, conditions that are not mine today, assignments I do not feel compelled to complete. Good. Wow. Thank you, God. And so I am amazed at my life. I am grateful for the fullness of it. I am breathing into the amazing facets of my life that sometimes I can accept as normal, forgetting what a miracle God and I have created. My life. What you and God have created. Your life.
And borrowing from a client session yesterday, I heard myself saying, "We cannot project anything without disappointing ourselves." Not because what we project will not be true. On the contrary, it's because what we project we may in fact create, and it may be short of the dream, the Mystery, the Miracle.
Personally, I do not want to create anything less than the most awesome thing possible. My goodness, what motivation! My practice, as I said in my last post, is to breathe into this moment as the sacred All That Is, the I Am, in which every amazing thing in my Creation already exists. Breathing into my immediate Creation, I am informed by it. And so one moment, one breath, flows into the next.
Yesterday I also felt the gravity of living in harmony with our inner child. Now, sometimes the child within wants to have a tantrum. Old pain comes up and will not be ignored. The child wants to say, holler, spit, stomp feet about what she/he was never allowed to express. One of my favorite places to scream is in my car. No one hears me, and if anyone notices as I am sailing down the freeway, so what?
Sometimes, often in fact, the child wants to express joy, pure unadulterated freedom from any restrictions or self-consciousness.
When I wrote last week about going to the flower show downtown, I didn't tell you that when I get on the city bus to go downtown, the 12-year-old in me is excited and a little nervous. I am on my own. I have no one to answer to, no schedule, no rules. When my mother first let me go downtown to the dentist alone and I first got on that bus all by myself, I was very nervous. But also thrilled.
Now, at 70, I can still feel it. Dayton's was a delicious place to dream; the place where I bought my first lipstick at 15. Fanny Farmer Candy stores that no longer exist were the place where I would carefully choose an oh-so-delicious piece of candy to eat while waiting for the bus to go home. (Insert irony here: I'd have just been to the dentist) Today I choose to savor a steaming cup of Americano purchased at a coffee shop on Macy's lower level.
Indulging myself, my inner child, is important. We live crowded lives. So many assignments wait for our attention. Breathing, I am better in touch with the child in me. She waits for my attention and is not shy about telling me what she wants - when I will listen.
Sometimes symptoms in my life tell me that she must be heard. I must cry hard, creating a space for big emotions. Or I must give myself permission to break out of patterns by playing. Sometimes that is best done in the company of my grandchildren, but many times it is best done alone - on a swing in the park, on the city bus, alone at a theater, in my car going nowhere looking up at the moon.
I have love and breath. That's it. In this time, reflecting on life as I know it, those two contain all things.
Amazed,
I am Phyl-El
Borrowing from Joyce Meyer this morning, I am reminded to "Live Amazed!" There are so many things in this world that I do not have to do today, conditions that are not mine today, assignments I do not feel compelled to complete. Good. Wow. Thank you, God. And so I am amazed at my life. I am grateful for the fullness of it. I am breathing into the amazing facets of my life that sometimes I can accept as normal, forgetting what a miracle God and I have created. My life. What you and God have created. Your life.
And borrowing from a client session yesterday, I heard myself saying, "We cannot project anything without disappointing ourselves." Not because what we project will not be true. On the contrary, it's because what we project we may in fact create, and it may be short of the dream, the Mystery, the Miracle.
Personally, I do not want to create anything less than the most awesome thing possible. My goodness, what motivation! My practice, as I said in my last post, is to breathe into this moment as the sacred All That Is, the I Am, in which every amazing thing in my Creation already exists. Breathing into my immediate Creation, I am informed by it. And so one moment, one breath, flows into the next.
Yesterday I also felt the gravity of living in harmony with our inner child. Now, sometimes the child within wants to have a tantrum. Old pain comes up and will not be ignored. The child wants to say, holler, spit, stomp feet about what she/he was never allowed to express. One of my favorite places to scream is in my car. No one hears me, and if anyone notices as I am sailing down the freeway, so what?
Sometimes, often in fact, the child wants to express joy, pure unadulterated freedom from any restrictions or self-consciousness.
When I wrote last week about going to the flower show downtown, I didn't tell you that when I get on the city bus to go downtown, the 12-year-old in me is excited and a little nervous. I am on my own. I have no one to answer to, no schedule, no rules. When my mother first let me go downtown to the dentist alone and I first got on that bus all by myself, I was very nervous. But also thrilled.
Now, at 70, I can still feel it. Dayton's was a delicious place to dream; the place where I bought my first lipstick at 15. Fanny Farmer Candy stores that no longer exist were the place where I would carefully choose an oh-so-delicious piece of candy to eat while waiting for the bus to go home. (Insert irony here: I'd have just been to the dentist) Today I choose to savor a steaming cup of Americano purchased at a coffee shop on Macy's lower level.
Indulging myself, my inner child, is important. We live crowded lives. So many assignments wait for our attention. Breathing, I am better in touch with the child in me. She waits for my attention and is not shy about telling me what she wants - when I will listen.
Sometimes symptoms in my life tell me that she must be heard. I must cry hard, creating a space for big emotions. Or I must give myself permission to break out of patterns by playing. Sometimes that is best done in the company of my grandchildren, but many times it is best done alone - on a swing in the park, on the city bus, alone at a theater, in my car going nowhere looking up at the moon.
I have love and breath. That's it. In this time, reflecting on life as I know it, those two contain all things.
Amazed,
I am Phyl-El
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